Good, reliable communication is essential to any successful relationship. At one time I thought of myself as an excellent communicator. No so much anymore. Today I don’t seem to be able to get my point across.

I wonder if it’s because my point of view is skewed. Maybe it’s because I am using the wrong approach. I don’t know what the hang up is so I’m always interested when I come across an article about being a better communicator.

Recently a team member resigned at one of my jobs. Because of this, we’ve all been asked to chip in extra. While I was chipping in, I discovered that me and another team member were doing the same job.

The scenario goes something like this:

I check all of the “equipment” before I open up our maintenance calls. She checks all of the equipment after the call is complete. This is redundant work. We are both doing the same thing twice. I “communicated” to her that I thought we are duplicating each other’s work.

Unfortunately, my observation was met with a blank stare. She looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. I didn’t see any recognition that she understood what I was saying to her. When this happens I immediately become nervous and defensive. These are not good traits to have if you are trying to communicate with someone.

At one point I actually said, “I don’t know why I’m not able to communicate my point to you.” “Please help me make you understand what I’m trying to say.” Do you think that was wrong? Was that too forward? As I mentioned in my previous post, sometimes my authentic self approach turns people away. They find me too forward.

Often I leave a situation and think about my intercourse with a person for a long time afterwards. How many times have you done this? Do you ever replay conversations over and over in your head wishing you had said something differently?
When I saw the teaser from my daily Oprah Newsletter in my Inbox I knew I had to click through and see if there was anything I haven’t heard before. No pun intended!

Anyway, here’s the basics for successful communication:

First, watch how people are reacting to you. Are they paying attention to you? Are they keeping eye contact with you? If not, you’ve lost them – try again.

Second, consider that your communication style may need to alter depending on who you are talking to. Some people respond to warm and fuzzy, others what you to be direct.

Another great tip is to make note of how quickly or slowly the person you are talking to speaks. Match their speed. This can increase your chances of being heard.

Next, understand your audience. Women like to commiserate – men do not. Men hear women talking about their problems and they translate it as a cry for help. We’re venting and they are trying to figure out how to fix it.
Lastly be a good listener and people will respond in kind. I know we all like to think that or have no doubt that most of my communication problems are directly tied to me and I’ve been working a lot.

Oh, and here’s a bonus tip. When you are talking with someone, try saying “I hear you saying that…” This technique is used to show the other person you are really listening to them and taking note of their feelings and/or views.

I resolve to become a better communicator by practicing the techniques I described above. I hope to achieve good results. I’ll keep you posted. Luckily for you the November issue of O magazine has a few articles on communication. I’ve included links to these articles for you below.

Oprah Power Link:
Just Say What You Want, Dammit! How to Speak Up

How to Talk So People Really Listen: 4 Ways To Make Yourself Heard

Change One Little Word…