I’m a recently divorced woman. When it became clear I could not save my marriage, I made the choice to divorce. Over the last eight months, my emotions have run the gamut from anger, relief, elation, empowerment, anger and yes, even anxiety and depression, and more anger. I hope that as you read these 10 things not to do when getting divorced, you will find at least one that you can take away on piece of divorce advice and incorporate into your life.
Archive for category Emotions
Don’t be surprised that I’m writing about Valentine’s Day and divorce at the same time. After all, I am recently divorced and wretched Valentine’s Day is coming once again to tease, stress and disappoint most of us.
I’ve only had one man in my life that lived up to all of the Valentine’s Day hype. He was a hopeless romantic and very skilled at the Wow factor of Valentine’s Day. But, when it came to commitment and marriage – well let’s just say it’s a good thing I didn’t marry him because, that relationship too, would have ended in divorce.
After my husband I split, I was having trouble dealing with my anxiety and disappointment. I was short-tempered with everyone from my co-workers to my children. I began searching for any number of avenues to enhance my conflict resolution skills. Whether it was through online anger management training, or one on one with a therapist for anger management lessons – I knew for sure, I needed outside help.
Anger comes from a variety of sources. It acts as an alarm telling us when something is wrong with a situation. My anger specifically is a byproduct of these emotions:
The fact is that forgiveness truly sets you free. Whether you are forgiving yourself, an ex-husband, friend or family member, forgiveness relieves you of all the depression and anxiety you are feeling in your relationships and allows you to heal yourself on an emotionally healthy level.
I recently sent this letter to a new suitor. I entered into this relationship against my better judgment. Turns out, my instinct was right.
I found myself reverting to old patterns and allowing him to breach each emotional boundary I had established. I am ashamed to admit it but my emotional autonomy was being eroded and many of my emotional dependency issues began to arise.
I began to recognize some familiar head games and could see the mental abuse going on. My A$$ was getting handed to me and I felt like I was spiraling into an emotional depression. I felt like retreating. I knew I had to do something to salvage all the good work I had done over the past 6 months. I resolved to quietly end things on my terms.
Do you know what I think of when someone mentions New Year’s resolutions to me? I think of Goals. People that make New Year’s resolutions, have Goals. If you don’t have a resolution for 2010, then in my opinion you are without Goals. In other words, you have given up and you have resigned yourself to one of two ideas:
This is the perfect time of year to talk about emotional boundaries. With each year’s crazy Holiday Season comes a sense of entitlement from our family and friends, and even our jobs/coworkers over our emotions, home and our checkbook.
