Today I’m trying very hard to remember to conduct myself with grace and dignity. Anytime I get overwhelmed with my emotions, I practice my deep breathing and pray to God for Grace and Dignity. I do this because I know that I have the black beast lurking right there on my shoulder, ready to take me down that ugly emotional highway. You know the one…you say things you don’t mean, you get all worked up and suddenly you have become this raving lunatic that doesn’t remotely resemble anyone that you would recognize?

BTW, I have spoken with enough of you to know that I’m not the President of the Crazies Club – just a card carrying member.

My emotional rollercoaster ride began with a call from my MIL telling me she was taking The Baby to the Doctor.

Both children have been sick since Saturday so The Baby must not be improving. Okay, we need a trip to the doc.

That’s when the emotions and the guilt began to set in.

First, as the mother, shouldn’t I be the one taking The Baby to the Doctor? Conventionality says, “Yes!” However, we no longer have a conventional family. We are now a family torn apart so the rules have changed. Now, my MIL will take The Baby to the Doctor and I will get an update after the office visit.

Second, the Doctor advised that The Children stay home from Daycare until they both are fully well. That means no fever spikes, matter oozing from the orifices on the face, no cough, vomiting or icky number 2’s.

Oh, and by the way – The Baby is being tested for H1N1. They’ll call us tomorrow with the results.

Uh…uh…uh, excuse me? My Baby has just been tested for Swine Flu? Huh? Last time I saw The Baby, we weren’t that sick! My gut tightens up, I feel my face flush – what is happening here? I’m not sure I even hear what she is saying. I know she’s talking but I can’t hear the words.

“Here’s an alternative,” MIL says. “Why don’t we keep The Children out here until they are well?” “You can’t miss work or school, so maybe we can help you out.”

On the surface this sounds reasonable but my guilt and paranoia have just kicked into high. The black beast is jumping up and down on my shoulder screaming in my ear, “They are setting you up!”

Before we continue, let’s just take a little survey.

1. How many of you mothers would say, “Sure!” “What a great idea!” Raise your hands.

2. How many of you would tell her to go pound sand, and you’ll take care of your own children, thank you very much.

Yep, that’s what I thought. Pound sand.

Here’s the thing. The truth of the matter is that I can’t afford to miss work or school. Secondly, I don’t have anyone I can call to come and sit with The Children at our house while I go out and make the milk money. My ex does.

So, this really boils down to, what is best for The Children. When do I take myself out of the equation? When do I stop worrying about how many people are going to label me as a bad mother for choosing to let them stay with the father?

Shouldn’t he get to care for them when they are ill equally? Isn’t that the whole idea behind co-parenting?

No one expects us to be a martyr here. At least I hope you don’t. My goal is not to have people look at me and say to themselves, “Gee, she’s a good mom because she never missed an opportunity to take care of her children when they were sick” “Boy isn’t she a great mom?”

To me, that is not the criteria for a good mother. I measure myself as a good mother by a different yard stick.

A good mother provides a safe and secure home for her children. She provides a nurturing and welcoming environment to learn and explore. A good mother listens to their heart not their words and provides love and guidance. A good mother takes good care of them, even if it means that she lets someone else help. And a good mother always thinks about what is best for her children- not what is best for her ego.

So, I’ve decided that I will get them home on Saturday as normal and then they can go and stay with their Daddy a couple of extra days during the week and not go to Daycare. I don’t lose anything except a couple of days. One thing that is constant is that I will be raising them for a lifetime. What’s a couple of days in the big scheme of things?

My Oprah Power Link:
Amicable Divorce