Recently it was brought to my attention that I may come across as a “goody two-shoes.”  While I think the criticism was heartfelt and sincere, I was curious as to what that might mean.  So I Googled “goody two-shoes” and this is what I found out.   

According to our friends at Wikopedia (I love this site), The History of Little Goody Two-Shoes is a children’s story by an anonymous author, published in 1765.

Goody Two-Shoes is a variation of the Cinderella story. The fable tells of Goody Two-Shoes, the nickname of a poor orphan girl named Margery Meanwell, who goes through life with only one shoe. When she is given a complete pair by a rich gentleman, she is so happy that she tells everyone that she has “two shoes”. The story popularized the phrase “goody two-shoes”, often used to describe an excessively or annoyingly virtuous person.

I don’t think my critic necessarily meant that I am annoying, although some of you may think so.  I think rather that he wonders if I feel real emotion or if I live in my head too much.

The answer is both.  Of course I feel real emotion.  However, it is important to understand, after you’ve been subjected to physical and emotional abuse for very long, it’s hard to trust your emotions. 

I have developed some real coping skills which I think serve me in times of stress.  This proves more reliable for me.  When I react to a situation using my authentic emotions, I often make a poor decision.

What I heard my critic asking was whether I was angry or scared – what was I actually feeling at the time the State was telling me they were withholding my benefits for an undetermined amount of time.

If you want to know what was really going on when I was speaking to Mrs. Montucknut and Montucknut Superior – here it is:

My initial reaction was complete disbelief. 

Then I was afraid because I know every single penny that I have and I count on each of them to make my life work.  I immediately thought about buying diapers to take to daycare this week.  How am I going to do that?

Next I felt powerless and desperate – “Oh my gosh, what are we going to do!”  I said this out loud too. “Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.  What are we going to do?”

My next emotional response was to get pissed because they had an obligation to tell me at the time I filed my claim.  They should have a notice that says Attention, you are now going into an administrative review process and your benefits will be delayed for an undetermined amount of time.

This part still makes me mad because they should not have the right to stick you in a bureaucratic juggernaut and not inform you about it.

Finally I went into survival mode.  I tried to figure out how I could solve this problem and never have to be subjugated to the whims of bureaucracy or the State of Montucknut again.

The best way to cope with something is to figure out what you’re going to do about it.  Make a choice, even if it’s the wrong one.  Don’t just let life happen to you.  You can be in charge of your own destiny.

Maybe My Girl Oprah’s resident expert psychologist Karen Reivich can shed some light. 

Dr. Reivich says it’s import to be resilient in life.  Resilience— the ability to bounce back from adversity—is a necessary skill for coping with life’s inevitable obstacles and one of the key ingredients to success.  She also says to take purposeful action and don’t let rejection and criticism become catastrophes.

I couldn’t agree more!

Having said that, make no mistake; I feel my emotions very deeply.  Some might say I’m hyper-emotional.  I don’t think it’s one of my better qualities.  I can get all twisted up and end up in a tree really quick.

Here’s the take away message.  We all choose how we deal with things.  I live my life with my glass ½ full 98% of the time.  That was the point of my gratitude entry, and why I chose to put a different spin on what was essentially a really crappy day. 

And that’s why I will continue to take that point of view in the future.  Being happy, mad, sad, glad, whatever it is – it is your choice.

So, back to the question.  Am I a goody two-shoes?  You bet!

My Oprah Power Links:
Resilience
Signs of a Codependent Relationship
Expert Advice on Surviving Abuse
Learning to Change
The History of Little Goody Two-Shoes