I’m a recently divorced woman. When it became clear I could not save my marriage, I made the choice to divorce. Over the last eight months, my emotions have run the gamut from anger, relief, elation, empowerment, anger and yes, even anxiety and depression, and more anger. I hope that as you read these 10 things not to do when getting divorced, you will find at least one that you can take away on piece of divorce advice and incorporate into your life.
Posts Tagged Divorce
Don’t be surprised that I’m writing about Valentine’s Day and divorce at the same time. After all, I am recently divorced and wretched Valentine’s Day is coming once again to tease, stress and disappoint most of us.
I’ve only had one man in my life that lived up to all of the Valentine’s Day hype. He was a hopeless romantic and very skilled at the Wow factor of Valentine’s Day. But, when it came to commitment and marriage – well let’s just say it’s a good thing I didn’t marry him because, that relationship too, would have ended in divorce.
After my husband I split, I was having trouble dealing with my anxiety and disappointment. I was short-tempered with everyone from my co-workers to my children. I began searching for any number of avenues to enhance my conflict resolution skills. Whether it was through online anger management training, or one on one with a therapist for anger management lessons – I knew for sure, I needed outside help.
Anger comes from a variety of sources. It acts as an alarm telling us when something is wrong with a situation. My anger specifically is a byproduct of these emotions:
Today is our 6 year wedding anniversary. Today is a sad day for me. In 4 days our divorce will be final. That will be a sad day for me as well.
Four months ago I was a very angry woman. I felt powerless, walked upon, unappreciated and worthless. The manner in which we interacted with one another made me feel like that. I longed for a little bit of kindness, honesty, nurturing and love from you. I received neglect, dishonesty and apathy.
Today I am much happier. Today I love and nurture myself. I don’t wait to receive it from you.
Today I’m trying very hard to remember to conduct myself with grace and dignity. Anytime I get overwhelmed with my emotions, I practice my deep breathing and pray to God for Grace and Dignity. I do this because I know that I have the black beast lurking right there on my shoulder, ready to take me down that ugly emotional highway. You know the one…you say things you don’t mean, you get all worked up and suddently you have become this raving lunatic that doesn’t remotely resemble anyone that you would recongnize?
Today is the day I exchange my children with my mother-in-law. Same day, same time, each and every week. Initially this was the hardest day of the week for me. In the beginning I could not stand that I gave the children I birthed away for 78 hours whole hours.
That’s what happens to people with an anger problem. They don’t have the skills to manage their anger so it will probe its way into an encounter with a coworker, fellow student or even an innocent cashier. And hell hath no fury like the unleashed Inside Consolata.